10 Things every parent of a child with special needs should know

1. You are not alone: There may not be anyone else with the same constellation of symptoms as your child but there are people with similar challenges. Find those people. I have never met anyone with these same challenges as my kid but I have a strong network within each separate diagnosis. I have made wonderful friends and have found—and I hope provided—a great deal of support within each of these.
2. You deserved to be cared for: We are placed in a position of caring for others nearly constantly. However, you still need and deserve to be cared for. That entails asking friends or family to bring a meal by every now and then, or going for a pedicure, or a date night, or whatever else you enjoy doing. Whatever makes you feel special and taken care of, take the time to enjoy it, you are worth it!
3. Trust your Instinct: You know your children best. Doctors, teachers, therapists are all fantastic resources but if you don’t feel like you’re being heard, or your child’s needs are being met, it’s very reasonable to get a second opinion. Don’t be afraid to fight for your child and their needs. While the professionals are experts in their areas, you are the expert on your child.
4. Make time for your marriage: Marriage is hard work, period. Parenting is hard work, period. Parenting a child with special needs, is especially hard work, period! For those of you who are married or in a relationship, make time for that relationship away from your children. Go on date nights! Keep the romance coming. Don’t get so lost in your child that you forget about your spouse.
5. Don’t Compare: This is another challenging one, but worth the work. All kids are different, typical, or with extra challenges and they will grow and develop at their own pace. If a developmental milestone isn’t met as you think it should be, certainly talk to your child’s doctor. Comparing, siblings, cousins, kids in the daycare class, or even comparing kids within the same disability type rarely serves to make you feel better. Your child is unique, and will have their own individual strengths and challenges.
6. Celebrate the little things: Brag about those accomplishments that might seem small to others but are huge for our kids! Our kids develop on their own clock, they learn many skills late and some they never master. A wiggled toe that couldn’t wiggle before, a word, a sentence, a smile, a hug, whatever that milestone may be, share it with those who love you and your child.
7. Don’t lose yourself: Don’t let being the parent of a child with special needs create or reshape your identity. We are many things, being the parent to a child with special needs is part of our identity. But it shouldn’t be all our identity. When you focus all your life, all of your contacts, all of yourself around your child and their needs, who you are can get lost. Find things in your life you enjoy doing, a glass of wine, a hobby, shopping for yourself.
8. Forgive yourself: Yes, you will screw things up sometimes despite the very best of intentions. No amount of torturing yourself will make you feel better, nor will it help you to make better choices. Remember many of the toughest decisions have no right answer.
9. Parenting a child with extra needs is like a marathon: For those folks who are trying to win a marathon, there are no breaks. If you want to stay in the race, you eat, drink and even pee while running. But our marathon will go on for the foreseeable future and beyond. So, remember, you don’t need to win, just make it to the end. The guy who comes in last place in the marathon, he took breaks, he stood and drank some water, grabbed a quick bite. Give yourself those moments—however brief—that are for yourself. Goodness, you might even get to pee in peace every now and then.
10. You are a Superhero: You may not leap buildings in a single bound or run faster than a speeding bullet but you are a superhero none the less. Every day, you manage situations that a regular parent would think are impossible. You stretch tight muscles, remember pills, inject and infuse medicine. You hold hysterical children during horrendous medical procedures. You deal with tantrums and melt downs. And most often manage not to have a tantrum or melt down yourself. You encourage your child to do things doctors told you they would never do but you never gave up hope. You are a therapist, nurse, doctor, friend and confidante. You are no regular parent. You are a SUPER HERO!!